Police Inform Brett Kavanaugh They Cannot Terminate The Protests Outside His Home

(Chevy Chase, MD) US Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was angered to learn today that law enforcement authorities would not be preventing protesters from demonstrating outside his family home. A police spokesperson explained it was simply not within their power.

“Unfortunately we are unable to terminate these protests, and before Justice Kavanaugh objects might I suggest he should have thought about that before he recklessly engaged in drafting opinions.”

Kavanaugh had hoped there would be an exception in his case because he didn’t expressly consent to the protests. But he was informed that there can be no exceptions to the rule against terminating protests. It was also put to him that, even if he didn’t expressly say yes to the protests taking place, his body language and overall demeanor invited them.

“Basically Justice Kavanaugh was asking for it, whatever he may say the morning after the fact.”

The news was not all bad for the Trump appointee, however, as he was informed by a local advocacy group that there was a way for him to live protest free.

“All he needs to do is find another state where terminating protests is allowed, then uproot his entire life and move there.”

Alternatively they suggested he simply learn to live with the protests, as they probably will only last for nine months or so, after which he will be subjected to continued harassment and humiliation until people have forgotten who he is.

“That would probably be in about eighteen to twenty years from now at a guess.”

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