Pope Francis Orders Clergy To Give Up Altar Boys For Lent

Proving that he is a man of action and not just words, Pope Francis has taken a bold step towards reform in the wake of overwhelming evidence of the extent of sexual abuse of minors in the Catholic Church.

“I have told the clergy they must give up abusing young boys for Lent, without exception.”

A spokesman for the Vatican explained the logic behind the drastic move.

“We can’t expect everyone to go cold turkey after all these decades of unchecked pedophilia, but perhaps a Lenten sacrifice is achievable.”

To show how seriously the problem is being taken, no other sacrifice will be allowed in its place.

“Only giving up  altar boys for lent will count for priests, and not the usual stuff like booze, cigarettes, or bacon.”

This did raise the question of what sacrifice priests who don’t engage in sexual abuse should do, but that has already been addressed according to the Holy See.

“We’ve informed that priest he can simply pray extra hard instead.”

18 Comments on "Pope Francis Orders Clergy To Give Up Altar Boys For Lent"

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  11. P. Haselgrove | March 8, 2019 at 11:10 pm | Reply

    Trust you Serge! I feel for Francis. His parents didn’t want him to become a priest. He didn’t want to become a Pope. He is a humble man with a good brain (at least in maths and science), and now he has to channel decisions hampered by the pampered old school cardinals etc., who are in cohoots with the retired Pope Benedict, and are ready and able to veto anything new. To top it all, the said Benedict has built a little house (ooops! Probably a mediuum sized palazzo, within the Vatican) presumably so he can look over over Francis’ shoulder night and day. What a job!

  12. Down here in Oz, we don’t do lent, we do Borrow. They will be returned on request.

  13. silly remark…created by anti-Christian creatures…many many priests are noble, faithful men of God…unlike most politicians…said with confidence!

    • L. E. Hammond. | March 8, 2019 at 8:10 pm | Reply

      The church condoning abuse? Who would believe that? It would mean the church are hypocrites who thought they were above the “laws of man” because their invisible secret friend, the wizard who lives in the sky and his zombie son gave them license. If that was true then where would we get out morals? As for “anti christian creatures”, isn’t everything part of gods plan?

  14. Many a true word is spoken in jest!!

  15. Marcia Richards | February 24, 2019 at 6:55 pm | Reply

    It may be a joke, but it’s a damn good idea all the same. It’s a start.

  16. Is this a joke? No, this is a joke! I say bullshit, this is no action at all. It is all but condoning sexual abuse any other time than lent saying it’s just another vice where no one else but the offender is harmed by this perverted behavior. What ever this is, it’s sickening!

    • If you scroll to the top of the page, you will see the words “A satirical blog” directly under the name of the page.
      Yes. This article is a joke.

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