Port Authority Confirms Real-Time Bus Tracking Service Is Controlled By Rogue Evil Genius

Image credit: 'Bus in Pittsburgh' by Piotrus via Commons license CC BY-SA 3.0.

(Pittsburgh, PA) Port Authority Transit, which administers the network of buses and light railcars that provide public transportation in the Pittsburgh Metropolitan Area, warned riders today about its real-time bus tracker app that was rolled out last year.

The system was introduced to give riders up-to-date information on buses via their smartphones to increase efficiency, but it has largely failed to do so, with reports of riders being frustrated by buses that appear to always be due in exactly 6 minutes for hours at a time.

Others have described how the app appears to ‘taunt them’ with their bus being due in 13 minutes, which then gradually creeps down to 3 minutes before climbing again and eventually ‘just disappearing’.

A Port Authority spokesperson confirmed today that the service has in fact come under the control of a rogue evil genius ‘hell bent’ on causing frustration for thousands of Pittsburghers.

“We think he’s an ex-driver on the busy 71A route who was driven insane by the stench of urine and people’s inability to understand you exit from the rear of the bus now despite having been told over and over. So in a way we are all responsible.”

Though they hope to regain control of the real-time information service soon, they warn riders to be vigilant, and especially to not assume a regularly scheduled bus isn’t coming just because there’s no sign of it on the app.

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