President Trump Denies Knowing ‘The Dow Jones’

Faced with calls to accept personal responsibility for today’s huge stock market drop, just as he had taken credit for its rise days ago, President Trump today denied any knowledge of the Dow Jones.

“Can’t say I know him. He must be a pompous ass to call himself ‘The Dow Jones’. I would never do that. I’m just plain ‘Real Donald Trump’. Sad!”

Trump speculated that this ‘Dow Jones’ sounded like a real loser, and was probably friends with his predecessor.

“I’m sure it was Obama who brought ‘The Dow Jones’ down. Sad!”

Trump also insisted he had never met anyone called ‘Nasdaq’.

“He sounds Russian, and I’ve never met any of them. Not once.”

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