(Bethesda, MD) Following his second official medical exam on Friday at the Walter Reed Medical Center, President Trump has been given an essentially clean bill of health.

The only problem encountered was when a army proctologist attempted to perform a routine colonoscopy to screen for polyps.

“There appeared to be a large solid mass in the way, coated with tufts of orange hair.”

They do not consider the mass cancerous, yet they refused to call it benign either.

“It’s definitely a very malignant mass, just not cancerous.”

They have deferred the exam until such time as the mass extracts itself from the rectal area.

“We’re not holding our breath.”