Procter & Gamble Introduces Tide Zero ® For Weight Conscious Idiots

Procter & Gamble, the manufacturer of Tide laundry detergent, today announced a new version of its laundry pods for idiots who are watching their figures.

“With Tide Zero you can now eat our laundry pods free of guilt!”

With each pod coming in at under 2 calories, the company says you can now do the Tide Pod challenge as many times as you wish and not put on any significant weight.

“You may die, but you won’t look fat at your viewing.”

Those looking for a caffeine-free version are in luck as regular pods do not contain any, though be advised your heart may respond in other ways. There are plans to release a vegan Tide pod very soon, as that is also in high demand.

“We guarantee they will only consist of plant products, and synthetic poisons of course.”

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