Progressive Movement Calls It Quits Following Release Of ‘Man Bun’ Ken Doll

The leading lights of America’s progressive left are hanging up their beanies and advocating a return to the traditional values of the Eisenhower days which they now say maybe weren’t so bad after all.

The cause of the huge about-face is believed to be the release of updated Ken Dolls by toymaker Mattel, specifically the one with a ‘man bun’.

“We never meant for things to go this far.”

Though proud of what has been achieved in terms of LGBT rights and correcting the worst aspects of the patriarchy, the nation’s liberals say things have gotten way out of control.

“All the signs were there when Hosier came along, but we sadly chose to ignore them.”

With man buns on the verge of gaining mainstream acceptance, they say it’s time for the pendulum to swing back the other way, no matter what nasty oppressive policies come out of it.

“Do whatever you feel you have to, just as long as you save us from this pileous abomination.”

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