WPIC Psychiatrist Concerned about Rising Incidence of Sheetz Addiction Syndrome

We feel it!

Dr. Randall Crouper had only being working for a week at the Diagnostic Evaluation Center in Pittsburgh’s Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic when he knew he was encountering something he had not learned about in medical school.

“Some of the people I was seeing were profoundly disturbed in a very specific way, and the common contributing factor was Sheetz.”

The affliction, which he calls Sheetz Addiction Syndrome (SAS), can leave people powerless to eat anywhere else, as the Sheetz made-to-order menu seduces them with absolute control over the making of their sandwich or sub. As SAS is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, he is relatively powerless to help them.

“It’s high time my profession started taking this devastating condition seriously.”

Diagnosis can be difficult. For example, refusing to ever leave a Sheetz station is not conclusive by itself.

“It’s also possible someone just happened to be in a Sheetz location by chance when they developed acute onset agoraphobia.”

Dr. Crouper has developed a ten-point questionnaire which, when combined with eye pupil dilation on being shown a picture of a red MTO kiosk, has a 95% sensitivity and 98% specificity in diagnosing this debilitating ailment. He is also hoping to embark on advanced neuroimaging studies to determine if there is a specific part of the brain involved, and has even approached the Sheetz family for funding.

“They did not rule it out but insisted I come in to one of their stores to discuss it over some Fryz and Chicken Stripz. I declined obviously. Just like I would never try crystal meth or injecting heroin.”

Being able to test for a predisposition to SAS would have clear advantages. He postulates the example of a professional from California who is considering moving to the Northeast for work. They could test themselves first and, if it were positive, could elect to move to Tennessee or South Carolina instead.

“They have Pilot and Weigel’s down south but they’re not nearly as nice, so the risk of developing a mental disorder is much lower.”

He introduces a sufferer, Ricky, that he hopes to help. Ricky immediately starts talking about how wonderful Sheetz is. When asked if he’s read Kenneth Womack’s book ‘Made to Order: The Sheetz Story’, Ricky’s eyes bulge and he is momentarily dumbstruck.

“There’s a book? About Sheetz? How the fuck did I not know this.”

Ricky himself disagrees that there is anything wrong with him. If anything, he claims, it’s the rest of the world who are mad for putting up with anything less than the joyous level of convenience his favorite gas station never fails to provide. His solution is simple.

“Just let Sheetz run everything.”

Ricky then had to leave to catch a bus followed by the T so he could dine at the Sheetz in Castle Shannon, as he has never owned a vehicle.

5 Comments on "WPIC Psychiatrist Concerned about Rising Incidence of Sheetz Addiction Syndrome"

  1. Sheetz rocks. Their coffee is great and they do offer good food at a good price. My parents live in Va. When I go visit them is the only time I get to stop at one of their stations. YES, I do seek them out. The whole store is clean, not just the restrooms. Thank you Sheetz.

  2. Sounds like all the above are SHEETZ family promos to me!

  3. Jonny Crytzer | June 4, 2015 at 9:29 pm | Reply

    Donuts!

  4. I drive a lot and usually stop at a Sheetz for gas of course ($.03 off with Sheetz card) and their cheeseburger ‘sliders’, which are awesome with lettuce mustard tomato and pickles. 3 for only $5!! Then I normally get the ‘bladder buster’ giant soda or green tea for $1.05 (again, with my Sheetz loyalty card). Like I said, I’m on the road a lot and it’s not very long before my bladder tells me I have to stop and use the facilities somewhere. Fortunately, there is usually a Sheetz within range and I can be sure the restroom is clean and accessible. I would rather ‘hold it’ for 30 more miles before I’d stop at some of those old ‘gas’ station type places. Ugh.

  5. Ridiculous promo~ any fast food that makes the food taste good and is willing to compete with lower prices would do as well. Sheetz makes a more comfortable customer friendly atmosphere and will make the food to order.
    Their meatball subs for example, make you never want to bother with MicDs or Wendy’s as you get better tasting food and value at Sheetz. Now some of their cold cuts are rather plain & my son doesnt care for them, but lots of their other food choices he enjoys.
    Often when on the road its usually a safe bet to stop at any Sheetz when gassing up knowing you can find familiar good quality food at reasonable prices. Used to be like that when stopping at a GitGo or Pilot stop as well although many of them now have Subways or other little luncheonettes subcontracted. Sheetz offers nearly all the same menu at all its locations and is always willing to customize to order. Prices are right so their popularity is increasing and offers many, especially singles, options instead of having to prepare their own food at home, where they may not stock the cold cuts, breads or condiments needed to make a good sandwich, while Sheetz has a good variety..

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