Punxsutawney Phil Arrested For Fraud

(Punxsutawney, PA) Western Pennsylvania was in shock today, in addition to being cold, after news leaked that Punxsutawney Phil has been arrested for fraud. This follows a lengthy investigation during which it emerged that he deliberately predicted an early summer despite knowing winter was far from over in order to manipulate betting markets. He did not act alone, but in concert with criminal elements out of Ohio who placed huge long-odds wagers on an early summer prediction.

To his credit, local residents say Phil had resisted such pressures for years, carrying out his predictions in a faithful manner despite the promise of huge payoffs if he were to fix the result. Sadly it appears he finally gave in to temptation and deliberately predicted an early summer when he knew almost for a fact that bitterly cold temperatures would still be arriving well into April and beyond.

Those close to him say they were not so surprised to hear he would be indicted as he had been on the decline for some time. Rumors of alfalfa addiction, so often the downfall of those who feel trapped in rural areas, abounded – and there was also a string of dysfunctional relationships with questionable types who appeared to be more attracted to Phil the celebrity instead of the friend they knew.

He also felt under immense pressure due to the rise of a new generation of meteorologically-gifted rodents such as Staten Island Chuck, and was utterly despondent to hear about the growing popularity of Balzac Billy (a.k.a. the Prairie Prognosticator) in Alberta, Canada, who is not even a groundhog, but a man in a costume.

He is expected to be formally arraigned tomorrow once it’s warmed up a bit.

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98 Comments on "Punxsutawney Phil Arrested For Fraud"

  1. I think its great we can agree to have a few agree/disagree comments. I wish it worked for everything not just Mr. P. Phil, Groundhog Extraordinaire

  2. Buckeye Chuck was likely involved too. Shifty little rodent.

  3. Wondering how much money they will spend trying to convict. It seems like a waste of tax payer dollars if you ask me..lol

  4. Steven Rowlandson | March 8, 2019 at 2:18 pm | Reply

    I’m not surprised by this at all. People up here in Canada are sick of winter.
    When Wiarton Willie is proven wrong the little fur ball might be in need of protection. When is Phil’s trial and are animal rights groups rallying to his defence? Just joking.

  5. barry muroff` | March 8, 2019 at 6:06 am | Reply

    In Canada we do not accept these results as we have our own resident maven — Wiarton Willie — as like everybody else he is always perfect

  6. In Canada we do not accept these results as we have our own resident maven — Wiarton Willie —he like the rest of us is always perfect

  7. Give him a break it’s not even 6 weeks yet… Our forecast shows 50’s and rain…. Way better then so,how temps and snow so I’d say he did ok

  8. This is so stupid .
    A weatherman can’t even tell you a straight answer on what to expect from day-to-day let along some wildlife animal .

  9. I seen CNN reported- unnamed sources -That the Russians were involved again, he will be testifying in Washington!
    He was reported saying -he was setup!

  10. Colleen Abell | March 7, 2019 at 5:00 pm | Reply

    I hate you Punxsutawney Phil I hope they lock you up and never let you see the sunshine

  11. Peggy Knecht | March 7, 2019 at 12:31 pm | Reply

    Absolutely hysterical!😂

  12. He’s older now its not his fault he has the old timers disease.

  13. He needs to go to an assisted living where the weather doesn’t matter because he is so old he don’t know the difference in summer are winter. Sorry Phil I love you but u goofed this time and every one is upset with u . P. S see you next year

    • *YOU

      I understand that is so difficult to type those three letters to spell such a simple word correctly, but please try. Please stop contributing to the dumbing down of our society.

      • One “you” out of that whole comment was spelled “u” and YOU had to point it out, I’m not sure Terressa is the problem.

        • Joseph Z ..Only Knows “I” an elitist looking to poke at new text terminology ..maybe J.Z. lives alone due to incessantly correcting grammar and contributing Nothing but Anguish..maybe you can get a Job at the White House cleaning up the Dumbing Down of the Constitution ..Bill of Rights.. We The People..define WE ..go to town J.Z.

  14. Melinda Stewart | March 6, 2019 at 11:02 pm | Reply

    From Missouri, we hope that he is prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

  15. If you never visited Phil it’s a cute little town. While each city has there own traditions. Phil takes the spotlight on Feb. 2nd.

    • I avoid stupid little towns like that with stupid little rituals and celebrations. They need to grow up, read a book, and quit acting like idiots and presenting such a stupid, ridiculous forecast.

  16. Michael Young | March 6, 2019 at 8:45 pm | Reply

    People need to be nice to groundhogs. They are just big ground squirrels.
    https://youtu.be/dPt_SVV8Fls

  17. Very cute! Your article made me smile! Never mind the naysayers! All that politically correct touchiness is what is getting us buried under mounds of dangerous rules and restrictions! People need to LIGHTEN UP! I think we should blame all these PRECIOUS SNOWFLAKES for the extended winter……there’s getting to be waaaay too many of them!

  18. I heard he took money from several natural gas companies to say he saw no shadow!!!

  19. The whole Puxatawney Phil show is a scam.

    Do the math. Phil predicts 6 more weeks of winter (42 days) with 26 February days and 21 March days till celestial Spring. So Phil is saying that “Early Spring” will be 5 days late!

    Quit whining about Winter. Get out and do something. I will loan you a pair of snowshoes, skis, or a snowboard.

  20. We have replaced the meth reference. It’s a lighthearted article we want to appeal to everyone as opposed to one of our more satirical ones with a point where we would not be inclined to dull our knife – “Pope Francis Asks Clergy To Give Up Altar Boys For Lent” being such an example.

  21. I along with my wife Lisa children Madison Morgan and Ethan have long been aware of Phil’s shady predictions. It seems he’s not a big fan of skiing or snowboarding. Maybe a ride on a lift chair would change his disposition and Outlook…

  22. BREAKING NEWS

    Punxsutawney Phil has been Accused Unjustly
    The Little Guy was Just Partying too much the night before,
    Cameras caught Him at a Groundhog party imbibing with Rum and Cokes,Too much Antifreeze

    Ha!
    xaxaxa

  23. I thought it was cute..in this world full of rage and hatred sometimes its nice to read something funny..that makes you smile..I know I have had it with this cold and rear deep snow in northern Michigan..hopefully the heat will come and take it away before may..I forgive you Phil there isnt one living soul that hasn’t made a mistake..

  24. Serious? Meth addict? We all are a little dismayed that you would write that!! More over you could have written nut addition.

  25. Post is a waste of space and time.
    Good grief, people!

  26. Ya’ll are morons. February 2, is 6 weeks away from the first day of spring. There is no such thing as an early spring! It has snowed in April—and that is officially spring.
    Sure it started out all in fun but some take it too seriously.

    • Shut up !!!don’t you know it all ??? IT SNOWED IN MAY…the year I was born….

    • NoSuchThingAsGod | March 7, 2019 at 12:42 pm | Reply

      So what… the weather varies… we get it.
      I’ve lived in Southern Indiana and Southern Illinois when we got snow in June… so what (again).

      Even so, this stupid little ceremony needs to stop. If is fake. It is fiction, just like God, the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny.

      • Joan Lorimer | March 8, 2019 at 12:16 am | Reply

        whattttttt .. so your telling me that the easter bunny doesnt exist nor does santa claus… hoo boy are my kids going to be p*ssed now come christmas time this year, no more presents under the tree, no egg nog nor for that matter gooey chocolatey easter eggs at easter time as well .. dang that has to suck big time !

  27. It’s fake news!

  28. Stanley G Hagen | March 5, 2019 at 1:57 pm | Reply

    He’s been badgered by the “Global warming enthusiasts.”

  29. All the comments are so funny with great sense of humor. Thanks so much for the laughs just what I needed

  30. I have that Phil will weather this storm…

  31. That was a cute article. Absolutely brilliant it’s what we need in todays society is some good ole fashion humor. Oh to the other people who are always so down that they must take others with them. I was a meth addict and had many friends and a baby brother that died from addiction, but that was then and this is humor. You let things bring you down because of past issues you will never move forward and have a happy life. This article made and started my day with a smile which has been most needed. Thank you to the person that wrote this you made my day start with a smile, God Bless you.

  32. Phil is innocent. The interpreter they used to relay his prediction does not speak Groundhogese. He was a phony and had no idea what Phil actually predicted. Several sources close to Phil have stated that Phil was upset on Feb 3rd when he learned that his prediction had been relayed as early spring. He told these sources immediately that he had predicted 6 more weeks of winter. It is hoped that once his friends are interviewed, all charges against Phil will be dropped and the interpreter will then be arrested for fraud.

    • The Free Phil Foundation | March 6, 2019 at 11:14 am | Reply

      Yes, Phil is innocent. I too heard the interpreter was not fluent in Groundhogese. Phil is definitely being framed, and the disparaging accusation regarding meth use is deplorable; Phil is a pillar of the community, and his good name shouldn’t be dragged through the mud like this. Who they SHOULD be looking at is Staten Island Chuck. Do you think it is any coincident that Phil’s interpreter and Chuck are frat brothers?

      Free Phil! Free Phil! Free Phil! Free Phil! Free Phil! Free Phil!

  33. Phil delivered an early spring… unfortunately it was in December! I’d look more into whomever made Elsa mad…

  34. As an attorney, I believe that in order to receive a fair trial, Phil should have an attorney. Is Foghorn Leghorn available?

  35. Dianne Moore | March 4, 2019 at 12:03 pm | Reply

    I thought it was very funny. At least I have a humorous bone. Ignore the sad people who cannot laugh at funny jokes. That’s what’s wrong with the world today, too much stuffiness.

  36. It isn’t Phil’s fault, mother nature is in psychotherapy and has run out of her meds. Maybe we need to set up a go-fund-me page for mother nature getting her lithium treatments because she has no insurance. LOL:-D

    p.s. It’s called humor, it is a good thing folks 🙂

  37. People calm down and take a freaking joke,if a frigging groundhog taking meth affends you then stay off this website!!! Its that simple people!!! I’m sorry for the loss of love ones but this is a joke for Petes sake!!! Also for the record yes I know first hand how meth and death affects you……♡♡♡♡Sinceraly♡♡♡♡

  38. It’s never Phil who is wrong – it’s whoever the interpreter of ”Groundhogese” in the Inner Circle is who misinterprets him! Poor Phil!

  39. The meth part, eh. But the rest, a good attempt.

  40. Could’ve said Phil was VIOLATED by Michael Jackson instead of using METH as a REASON! There’s been far to MANY people who have lost someone do to DRUG’S. This article went from FUNNY to IGNORANT really FAST. You’re VERY DISAPPOINTING!

  41. He is just a big fat lying DemonicRat…#lockhimup

  42. Kim Thompson | March 3, 2019 at 6:33 pm | Reply

    Poor PHILLIP…!!! He’s the root of all PA evil and yet thousands come to PA every February to see if he’s the bearer of good or bad news. He can’t be trusted ANY LONGER. By Phil…..sleep in hibernation you little rascal. PEACE be with you.

  43. its not his fault his owners used him as a scapegoat for their lies.. they need to be the ones put in jail

  44. Our Punxy Phil IS getting older you know….he may have a touch of nostalgia and wishes for warmer weather to warm up the old bones.

  45. Not Phil’s fault it’s just March being March…..in like a lion out like a lamb

  46. I think passed away along time ago and the officials are using an imposter. No wonder he has been wrong with his predictions recently.

  47. jacquelyn earley | March 3, 2019 at 1:02 pm | Reply

    Rumor also has it, that they will be looking for a replacement. I say “up in arms” people, he is just a rodent after all, And should continue his job. Besides, I know many weather people, who hardly ever get it right!

  48. Addicted to meth? What’s wrong with you. You think that’s funny. Of all the reasons you could you, you use meth.

  49. Like I said too much a load for his tiny shoulders the freezing weather cold snap made his brain snap! Poor little guy!

  50. I don’t think the poor guy is to blame. As I understand it (and my sources are impeccable) he was misled by the all the Global Warming claims. Poor fellow. He thought it was really happening and that mankind was to blame, so he threw in with the fearmongers and assumed, quite naturally I suppose, that spring and our doom were right around the corner. Fortunately, he, AND THEY, are wrong. What we are experiencing is just another phase in the natural cycle of things. Nature has a way of repairing itself and it does it quite frequently. Mankind is arrogant to think that we can alter the course of nature. Perhaps when we reach the day when we can control the weather, things might be different. But for now, we’ve nothing to worry about. Nature will correct itself soon enough. 😊

  51. I would like to volunteer my services to Phil. I do Not believe that Phil predicted any thing at all.In fact I believe he is innocent of all charges, As Phil does Not talk nor has he been know to write or text or use sign language.
    It is the fault of Stupid and Cowardly People, who won’t except the blame for their actions(or opinions), and have chosen Phil as their scapegoat.
    If the Police, who have Phil in custody, would kindly let him know, that I would be willing to take his case, pro bono.
    Thank You, Shari Kenton 😃

  52. If he ever fails us and needs a new job, he can always work the lottery.

  53. Weather are bipolar….. Lol

  54. He didnt predict and early summer…he predicted an early spring…its only March 2…give him another week!

  55. ICE investigators discovered that the prognosticating rodent was not punxsutawney Phil, but punxsutawney Pedro, an illegal mexican woodchuck stealing the American critters job!

  56. I think it’s hilarious 😂

  57. Lawrence Muehrer | February 3, 2018 at 12:28 pm | Reply

    in my opinion, not funy; just stupid…leave phil alone….

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