Russian President Vladimir Putin conveyed his condolences to President Trump this morning over developements in the Mueller investigation, along with some polonium from his personal supply.

“I realize how difficult this must be, and hope these words and this highly lethal radioactive substance provide some comfort.”

Hearing that Trump might fire Mueller in the near future, Putin advised him strongly against that course of action, saying it could expose him to all kinds of charges.

“I cannot recommend this, because then he will still be around to cause you trouble. Trust me – I understand these things very well.”

Putin instead advised Trump to have someone slip the polonium in Mueller’s tea, and then categorically deny any involvement.

“You know how to lie, don’t you? LOL! catch u ltr”

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