Putin Threatens United States With Return To 1990s Computer Graphics

Vladimir Putin’s slideshow presentation on Russia’s nuclear capability was received with concern a few days ago with its echoes of Cold War rivalries.

While initially believed to be about the threat of supposedly unstoppable new multi entry warheads, the truth that emerged today is much darker.

New intelligence has revealed that the West totally failed to understand the real threat implicit, which is that Putin has a cyber army ready to sent American computing back to the stone age.

“Or, as it’s also known, 1994.”

Putin drew gasps from his audience as he unveiled an animation showing poorly-rendered conical shapes showering down upon what appeared to be Florida.

“If they do not show us proper respect we will turn all their fancy digital presentations into shit like this!”

Putin also threatened to make that awful powerpoint blue ubiquitous again, and takes graphics back to an 8-bit hell on earth.

“Everything in the United States will be VGA again. Not XGA, not SVGA, just VGA. Muhahahahaha!”

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