Russian President Vladimir Putin privately expressed concern today that the United States voting public may freely decide the outcome of the upcoming midterm elections in what he described as a huge step backwards for modern American democracy.
“There is a great risk that the United States citizenry may pick its own politicians based on their merits which would be terrible for everyone. And by everyone I mean me.”
He also voiced concerned over noises being made by Mark Zuckerberg that he wants people to see more shares from friends and family on Facebook which Putin believes cannot be a good thing.
“Unless every American is befriended by a very loud and insistent person called Boris with seductive authoritarian political opinions which I am not ruling out.”
Putin admits his unexpected success in propelling Donald Trump further than anyone thought possible in 2016 initially left him with even higher hopes for the future that may now be unrealistic.
“When things went so well with the Donald, I had hopes to put an actual plant in the Oval Office next time.”
Putin added that, despite recent setbacks, he’s still hopeful that the American voting public will not let him down.
“Remember to vote desert cactus for President in 2020.”