Queen Elizabeth And Prince Philip Separate After Hitting The 70 Year Itch

The United Kingdom is in shock with the news that Queen Elizabeth II and husband Prince Philip are to separate after being married for seventy years. In a statement released by the Royal Household, the breakdown in the relationship is described as being due to it growing stale over time.

“As the saying goes, if you can get through the seventy year itch the marriage is on solid ground. Sadly for Her Royal Highness that has not proved to be the case.”

Prince Philip was philosophical about the failure of his first marriage, and says he plans to do better next time.

“Some relationships are not meant to last forever, and it’s best to recognize that early so you can get on with your lives.”

The Royal couple have already separated and are wasting no time getting back into the dating scene, though the Queen admits it’s not so easy for her as for her subjects.

“Obviously as Head of State of 16 countries I can appear intimidating on a first date. But it’s not like I’m going to chop the other person’s head off. I could, but I won’t.”

While the Queen plans to go the old-fashioned route by having a tipple at the local pub and ‘seeing what happens’, Prince Philip says he plans to dive head first into 21st century practices.

“If you like what you see, remember to swipe right!”

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