Having been indicated on ten counts of sexual abuse, lawyers for R Kelly are wasting no time preparing their client for the rigors of serving a prison term.

“You need to learn how to relieve yourself like a normal person before you are incarcerated.”

They said the first step was for R Kelly to learn how find the right spot for expelling urine.

“Look for a pot or bowl shaped object made of stainless steel or porcelain, and not an underage girl.”

They recommended against picking another inmate and simply pretending he is an underage girl.

“You may find someone in there who will let you urinate on him, but it’s much more likely to be the other way around.