President Trump and the Republican Party have proudly unveiled their replacement for Obamacare, putting naysayers who said they had no real alternative ready in their place.

Paul Ryan said Obamacare had failed because insurers had pulled out, but this new plan give Americans an enormous range of providers to choose from, such as Jesus, Allah, Ganesh, and the Buddha.

“Or maybe you prefer the Zoroastrian plan – whichever one you choose, pre-existing conditions are always covered.”

For those who want to stick with traditional plans based on doctors and medicine, they will now be available in the form of tax credits instead of the federal subsidies provided by Obamacare.

“That does mean traditional coverage will no longer be a viable option for people who pay very little tax, like the poor and President Trump.”

The bureaucratic nightmare associated with Obamacare has also been avoided, as signing up for coverage is a simple matter of visiting your local church, temple or mosque, or just praying quietly to the Almighty Creator to heal you.