As everyone awaits the result of Robert Mueller’s report into allegations of collusion with Russia to bring about President Trump’s electoral victory in 2016, sources are already leaking that it will be a disapointment.
“I regret to say the 1467 page report is nothing but variations of the same basic phrase repeated throughout.”
The report is rumored to contain nothing of use to bring down the President, as it is little more than repeated variations of the phrase “All work and no play makes Bob a dull boy” with various misspellings and alternative nicknames for Robert, with Star Wars characters sometimes being used instead.
“There can be no further indictments or articles of impeachment brought forth on the basis of this gibberish.”
In hindsight, many critics of the President said it should have been obvious this would happen.
“We asked the special prosecutor to get inside the President’s head and to try and understand how his mind works. No wonder he went stark raving mad.”
It is now clear that none of the progress to date was attributable to Mueller, who apparently lost his mind the first night he stayed up late trying to think like Trump does.
“What indictments and convictions that were secured were done by a rotating staff of underlings who managed it before they themselves went clinically insane.”