Following Senator Joe Manchin’s torpedoing of the Build Back America bill – allegedly in part due to a belief that child tax credits would be spent on drugs – members of the powerful Drug Dealers of America lobby met with Biden today in the White House to discuss how to move forward. Saying the ending of the credit would mean thousands of sketchy young people in hoodies with neck tattoos would go hungry, they promised to give President Biden any help they could in order to keep the program alive. For his part, President Biden said he was determined to move forward one way or another

“I will not abandon these fine industrious young people who have worked so hard to establish independent businesses on street corners and in poorly lit parking lots that will all go under without this credit.”

Biden dismissed criticisms that the benefit would not trickle down to the drug dealers, but instead be spent by struggling Americans to clothe and feed their offspring.

“Everyone knows that only wealthy people care for others and raise their kids well, so we can be confident the economically disadvantaged will pass it all on to its intended target, drug dealers.”

He also stressed his commitment to ensure federally mandated paid leave was available to all.

“It’s vital that we catch up with the rest of the world in having guaranteed sick leave, so that everyone has the peace of mind of knowing they can blow off work to shoot a deer anytime they want.”

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