Hours before the Presidential debate featuring their standard bearer who directly inspired the hashtag #grabthembythepussy, leading Republican figures have issued an earnest and unqualified apology to Dr. Ben Carson for ever saying he too nuts to be the GOP nominee.
“Believing the Pyramids were built to store grain in defiance of all archeological evidence to the contrary is so tame compared to what a genuinely unsuitable nominee could be saying. Believe us – we know that now.”
Despite deriding Carson as a whacko totally unsuited to lead the GOP in the past, the party establishment only wishes it could wind back the clock and throw all its support behind him.
“That story about grabbing a camping knife and trying to stab your friend? Well there are far worse things you could be grabbing as far as we are concerned. Sorry we ever made a big deal out of it.”