In an abrupt turnaround that is set to turn the political landscape on its head, leading Republicans apologized today for what they can only describe as a mind-boggling lapse in judgment in thinking Donald Trump was fit to lead a beer chug, let alone the country.
“The Party of Lincoln begs your forgiveness for letting things come to this.”
Senate leader Mitch McConnell said he is taking immediate action to put things right after suddenly realizing he had helped set the nation on a dangerous course that threatens its constitutional integrity.
“It’s like coming out of a bad dream. Obviously the Republicans obsession with being in power led us to engage in a massive self-delusion that having this unhinged idiot in charge was acceptable. It’s not and we will be asking Robert Mueller to bring impeachable charges first thing Monday morning.”
House leader Paul Ryan echoed the sentiment, saying he can’t believe he let his previous skepticism about Trump become compromised.
“Remember when I tried to distance myself from him during the nomination? Can’t believe that rational guy went away but he’s back now. I hope and trust that, no matter how despicable you may view me and my policies, you can at least see there’s a brain behind them. There’s no brain in the White House, and we’re going to fix that pronto.”
Senator John McCain also weighed in, saying he wishes he could blame his total lack of perspective on chemo, but it started well before that.
“The guy dared to criticize me for being shot down in Vietnam and suffering five years of torture and captivity when he dodged serving because of a supposed bone spur? Why haven’t I physically beaten the living crap out of this joker yet? Well, it’s happening on the White House lawn tomorrow so someone better have a stretcher on hand that can support a ton of dead weight.”