Republicans Draw The Line At Endorsing Sexual Predators Who Don’t Floss

Image credit:'Mitch McConnell' by Flickr user Gage Skidmore license CC BY-SA 2.0.

Amid accusations that they will stoop to nothing to win, including endorsing accused sexual predator Roy Moore, senior Republicans came out today to say there most definitely is a line of decency they would not cross for any reason.

“Preying on underage girls without employing proper dental hygiene is totally unacceptable to us.”

They added that not flossing means that bits of food get stuck between the teeth, which is ‘totally repugnant’ to what the party of Lincoln stands for.

Accordingly, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says he sought strict assurances that Moore is a diligent flosser before throwing his support behind the teen-loving US Senate candidate.

“I made him personally promise to continue flossing daily through the end of his term, should he be elected.”

McConnell also that he could not under any circumstances support Neo Nazis who don’t mow their lawns regularly.

“There is no room for sloppy Fascists in the Republican family. Any Nazis who want our approval need to clean up their act.”

When pressed for more detail on what he meant by ‘clean up their act’, McConnell suggested messy Nazis invest in some Fred Perry clothing and get a close-shorn haircut.

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