Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell spoke on the grave and serious matter before him today, saying this is a solemn time for the country.
“I fear we do not have enough popcorn now that Hillary is attacking Bernie Sanders in addition to his fueding with Elizabeth Warren.”
McConnell said he’s not worried about Trump’s Senate trial, which he describes as ‘well in hand’, but the absense of appropriate snacking supplies to consume while watching the Democrats’ internecine battles is keeping him up at night.
“I am also very concerned that I and my colleagues do not have enough easy chairs to sit back in during this important process.”
He promises to work tirelessly to address the crisis facing him.
“Prime Minister Johnson says he still has some left after watching the British Public shoot itself in the foot yet again by returning the Tories to power.”
McConnell said he also found a large supply of popcorn from an unlikely source – the Democrats.
“It seems our opponents had a lot stockpiled for the Impeachment Trial, but won’t need it now they are cannibalizing each other instead.”