Alarmed by the rising rhetoric of President Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said today that this is a time for deescalation and finding common ground.
“Guys, you need to become buds by smoking mine.”
Though he has no background in the diplomatic service, the former oilman says there’s nothing like sharing a sweet high to bring opposing people together.
“If you need a thrill forget the nuclear brinksmanship and try this grape ape strain I’ve been nurturing like it was my own son instead.”
The crisis couldn’t have come at a better moment, according to Tillerson, as the glistening crystals on his sticky buds tell him it’s harvest time.
“You can practically smell the week stank from the next town. So get on over here and let’s party.”