(Richmond, VA) Thousands of protesters took to the streets of Richmond this MLK day in support of the rights of small penis owners, who they say are being unfairly targeted with laws that curb their ability to make up for their feelings of inadequacy.
“We have an inalienable constitutional right to compensate for our diminutive phalluses.”
The protesters openly carried physical evidence of their deep-seated fears of amounting to nothing as human beings while they listened to speeches in front of the Virginia State Capitol. Psychologists warned that they are likely to respond in a hostile manner if confronted directly about the source of their shame.
“You will take my repressed anxiety over being a total failure as a man away from me over my dead body!”
Counter-protests were also held by people with large, medium, small, and no penises who felt that no special protections for small penis owners are required. They argued you should just get over it and deal with how you were made.
“These guys need to stop being so god-damned afraid of everything.
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