Secretary for Energy Rick Perry make a landmark speech today in which he said he is ‘on board’ with calls to increase the use of cellar power.

“Lots of people are talking about the need for more cellar energy for the sake of the planet and to them I say, I hear you.”

Perry, who previously thought he was head of the Department of Energy Drinks until he was corrected, say focusing on cellar power makes a whole lot of sense.

“A lot of our energy comes from cellars and basements because that’s where the furnace is – but by installing higher-efficiency furnaces we can generate even more in a cost effective manner.”

Other suggestions Perry had for increasing cellar energy are getting your boiler serviced every winter, and burning stuff you find there that you don’t need any more.

“Especially old tires – they put out a lot of heat.”

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