Russia Grants Senator Murkowski Honorary Citizenship

Citing her dedicated service to the Motherland when it counts, the Russian Federation has confered honorary citizenship upon Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska. President Vladimir Putin said it was thoroughly deserved.

“I was not sure about this for the longest time, but in the end you did the right thing.”

Though she could in principle move to Russia now, Putin said she is far more valuable where she is.

“There is much more work to be done where you are.”

Putin strongly advised her to stay away from Maine Senator Susan Collins.

“Maybe she was your BFF in the past, but as a good Russian you must have nothing to do with her.”

He added that if she wants like-minded friends, she need only look to all the other Republican Senators – with the exception of Mitt Romney – and the entire Trump cabinet.

“Your new country is never far away. Remember that.”

Throw us a bone!

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