The Trump campaign held a press conference today to address charges that they were effectively handed the election as a result of Russian interference. Being so exhausting after all his rallying, Trump was represented by his newly-appointed Chief of Staff, Vasily Cherenkov.

“These are all lies. President Putin had no hand in ensuring Donald Trump won through the selective release of hacked information obtained from DNC and RNC computer servers by paid operatives of the Russian State.”

When asked if Trump would appear in person to discuss the extent to which he would be involved with The Apprentice as President, Cherenkov replied that Trump needed his rest.

“I will see he gets message. Meanwhile I need names and addresses of you as well as those of all close family members – in case I need to get in touch with you with answer.”

Cherenkov reportedly took over RNC chairman Reince Priebus’s role as Chief of Staff shortly after Priebus drank a cup of tea and became acutely ill and all his hair fell out.

“Probably the milk was sour. Most unfortunate.”