(North Pole) Proving he’s willing to keep up with the times, Santa Claus will be testing a new drone delivery system this Christmas after a limited pilot program proved successful last year. Rumor has it he was persuaded to adopt the technology by entrepreneur Elon Musk, who is partnering with Santa to help him maintain his position as the preferred vendor in the highly lucrative Christmas Wish List market.
Santa has confirmed that it didn’t take much to be convinced of the wisdom of modernizing.
“Believe it or not, an obese man arriving by sleigh to climb down the chimney is not the most efficient way of distributing billions of presents.”
Santa also says fewer and fewer houses have fireplaces these days, so he’s basically been forced into finding new methods of distribution.
“Even staunch traditionalists must admit that me belly-crawling through duct work like a Yuletide Jason Bourne does not possess the same level of charm.”
Though he will still deliver presents the old-fashioned way where possible, the majority of toys will be delivered by drones similar to systems being tested by Amazon and Google.
“I know Jeff Bezos wants my job – it’s written all over his face.”
Santa has procured a number of ex-military predator drones, which his elves will use to accurately deliver presents to hard to reach places from the comfort of their workshop.
“Thanks to the War on Terror, we can now guide any present that fits into the warhead chamber of a hellfire missile right to the foot of your sleeping child’s bed.”
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