In Underworld news, Satan has announced he will not be fomenting evil in the hearts and minds of living souls for the next 14 days as he will be self-isolating out of an ‘abundance of caution’ after a close acquaintance tested positive for COVID-19.
“It’s the right thing to do.”
A source close to the Lake of Fire revealed that Satan’s son, Stephen Miller – who recently visited the family home after losing his job – was the person in question and they had communed during the period he may have been contagious. A previous statement by Satan – who also goes by Beelzebub or simply The Devil – about his seed’s involvement with the Trump administration now seems particularly prescient.
“I warned him hanging out with that crowd would only lead to trouble – but did he listen? Kids.”
Though there have been suggestions, most notably by former President Trump himself, that heat can completely inhibit the coronavirus, Hell’s residents are taking no chances.
“Even Pol Pot and Hitler are wearing masks religiously.”
HELP US KEEP THE SATIRE COMING!