Saving Private Ryan To Be Remade With All-Female Cast

All female casting is the rage in Hollywood these days, following the amazing discovery that a film about a team of ghost-hunting scientists can actually be successful, and arguably even better, when remade with genders reversed.

“We can’t wait to do more, starting with Steven Spielberg’s iconic war flick Saving Private Ryan.”

An early draft called Saving Private Rihanna has been circulating for years, though Ryan actually refers to the surname of the soldier, and Rihanna was never seriously in contention for the eponymous role first made famous by Matt Damon.

“Obviously it has to be Kristen Stewart.”

Producers know they will probably face a backlash from internet trolls, misogynists, and WWII veterans who watched their comrades die on the beaches of Normandy.

“All the usual haters, in other words.”

As in the original there will some levity, now coming from a wise-cracking US Army sniper played by Amy Schumer.

“Be prepared for some foul language highly accurate to the times.”

The buzz surrounding the remake already has Christopher Nolan wondering if he should reshoot his WWII epic ‘Dunkirk’ along the same lines.

“We’ve had word that New Zealand singer Lorde is interested in replacing Harry Styles, so we’re seriously considering it.”

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  3. Staaahp. It’s not historically accurate.

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