Scientific Study Finds Stem Cells Are ‘Good For What Ails You’

If something hurts, just take one of these.

A meta-analysis of scientific data and anecdotal evidence on the benefits of stem cell therapy has found that is unambiguously a good idea in all medical scenarios. The comprehensive study, which was commissioned the National Association of Indiscriminate Stem Cell Therapy Clinics, found that stem cells are one of the best medicines we have today.

“I don’t like to use the term ‘magic bullet’ – except in the case that the term ‘magic bullet’ is wholly appropriate, like it is here.”

People with medical problems are advised to find the closest stem cell clinic by googling ‘stem cell therapy’ (but not ‘stem cell therapy pros and cons’) in order to receive the revolutionary treatment that’s so ahead of it’s time, science hasn’t even caught up yet.

“Even if we cannot harvest viable stem cells from your own body tissue, we have jars of leftovers in the back that are sure to do you some good. Just don’t tell the FDA.”

Those without local options available are advised to hop on a flight to Florida, which has a plethora of NAISCTC centers, as well as lots of pharmacies that don’t ask annoying questions about diagnoses and RX scripts.

“Whatever your budget is, we have the stems cells to match it – unless you’re budget is zero, in which case we suggest starting a GoFundMe campaign.”

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