Secret Service To Save Millions By Protecting President With Thoughts And Prayers Instead

Image credit: 'Secret Service..." by Jcs27 via Commons license CC BY 3.0.

The Secret Service has announced it will no longer be complaining about its budget being inadequate to protect President Trump and his large entourage.

This came after as they discovered an equally effective means to keep him from harm at a fraction of the cost.

“Really the credit should go to Paul Ryan who gave us the idea.”

Instead of trained agents following President Trump on his many expensive trips, they will now concentrate on protecting him from potential assailants using thoughts and prayers.

“Don’t worry because we’ll still have President Trump’s back. Or rather Ricardo in our new remote praying facility in Juarez will.”

The Secret Service defended outsourcing much of the work to Mexico, saying it made sense not just on economic grounds, but in terms of quality of protection provided as well.

“They pray real good down there.”

75 Comments on "Secret Service To Save Millions By Protecting President With Thoughts And Prayers Instead"

  1. Bruce Fielding | February 26, 2018 at 2:48 pm | Reply

    The motto being ‘In God We Trust’ you couldn’t leave your President in better hands. (It doesn’t say which God though…)

  2. OMG now the bots are fighting the bots….this is the funniest shit ever…..

  3. We could arm the secretaries and janitors with AR-15s!

    • Hey, not my secretary, not my janitor. They don’t like me.

      • Perhaps you should stop greeting the secretary at your office in your shorts.

        • You know,that’s a very good point. Perhaps I should consider doing that. Maybe that’s why I find a note on my desk every morning asking “have you heard about #metoo”. I will definitely think about this suggestion. Thanks for writing. And (confidentiality), very, very funny and fitting reply.

  4. Really now, don’t you believe that prayer should be enough to protect to protect our congress and our president?

  5. I do think prayer should be enough to protect the current occupier of our White House.

  6. You must forgive Anna, her first language and country of residence is probably Russia. She is just trying to help us out with our elections.

  7. You must forgive Anna–her first language is probably Russian and she is likely still living and working there, just trying to help us out with our elections.

    • I have no idea who Anna is. But if she is the person – or Russian bot -causing SO much trouble…well, then…Hey, Anna, stop all that!

  8. I suspect that if an election was held tomorrow for President of the United States ,Donald Trump would be re-elected. This says a lot for the common sense of Middle America. The real threat to the safety of America and indeed the Western world is the presence of so called progressive Democrats, who seem hell bent on destroying rural America. Make no mistake about it these people are basically Fascist’s, A country divided against it’s self will not survive. One thing that Trump should do immediately is Pardon the Hammond’s and investigate the federal departments for persecuting them for back burning on Federal land, something I have done many times in Australia on a much bigger scale. I can see no valid reason for the federal government to control vast tracts of land in any State .Graeme Campbell Kalgoorlie

  9. Sunshinefactory | February 21, 2018 at 5:59 pm | Reply

    Trump is trash and he brought that trash to the Whitehouse. Biggest disgrace in American history. An embarrassment to or country! Conservative my a**. And for anyone dismissing his behavior past or present, why? He does not get a pass because he has money. It’s a shame that 33 percent of Americans idolize this piece of garbage. Let’s get some balls and take back our country’s dignity. America is ours and now it has been run through the landfill. I for one am sick of the putrid stank.

    • Well, I am sure you have a clue being fecal slim yourself….America was never a Marxist, Communist country…and if you prefer that go overseas to live….lots of places you’ll fall in love with.

  10. I wonder if the author is aware of just how deliciously and succinctly this article makes the point that it is STUPID to protect our children with “NO GUNS ALLOWED HERE” signs?

  11. What good does any of this banter do? Nothing is going to change in this country. People will keep their guns, just like the people in Switzerland. Every home there is armed. Not much crime there at all. Take away the good people’s guns and you can have Chicago and Baltimore nation wide. Time to quit blowing all this out of proportion and get back to daily life. Stuff like this happens. Accept it or dig a hole and hide from the world.

    • What weed have you been smoking? Every home in Switzerland has guns? You idiot! Where do you get this nonsense from? Do you even know where Switzerland is? The reason our country is going down the tubes is because so many of you are thick and never let a good fact get in the way of a comment. DON’T BE SO DAMNED STUPID.

      • Lynne, Google “guns in Switzerland” before commenting next time.

        Seriously.

      • Dan Tullis, Jr | February 21, 2018 at 2:36 pm | Reply

        The Swiss require those in the service to keep their weapons at home with a box of ammunition. When they go for their annual qualification they present their full boxes and well cared for weapons, requalify, are issued their new box of ammo and go home.
        Your illustrious leader and his merry band of idiots and goofs got rid of a ban on the sale of firearms to people who are lacking in some mental accumine. The orange jellyfish and the GoophyOlPharts strike again. Watch your and your children’s backs.

    • All hail Don Jon Dumpf | February 21, 2018 at 12:33 pm | Reply

      Switzerland has compulsory military service. All who qualify receive training, including training on the use of the arms which they will be assigned. After the 300-day service, they are permitted to carry their firearms. Those who did not qualify for military service will not be permitted to keep firearms, so mental conditions – which would be picked up during screening or during the mandatory service, or bone spurs, or a variety of other conditions will disqualify the recruit from military service, and from keeping a fire arm.

      The license to own a firearm must be renewed every 2 years. All fire arms are registered, and the acquisition of new firearms is strictly controlled. So is the purchase of ammunition, which requires valid identification, a permanent residence, a criminal record no older than 3 months, and a weapons acquisition permit no older than 2 years.

      So, if you are suggesting that we in the U.S. require all firearms to be registered, all able-bodied citizens to serve a year of military service, and strictly control access to ammunition through background checks and re-licensing, then great! Try selling that to your friends at No-good Returdican Assassins

      • Yes, the Swiss do quite well with a lot of citizens possessing guns, yet with very little gun violence. Maybe we should copy them. And a year of compulsory military training for every American is a good idea. But a very hard political sell.

    • At the core of these shootings, is the mental unbalance of the individual. The past 50 years has been an indoctrination of our kids, the movement into the judicial, executive branches by those committed to the destruction of America, or, as Obama said: “the transformation” of America. Don’t believe it? Study the foreign terrorists.
      They do what they do because of the radicalization of their religion..since Progressives do not believe in God, what is their excuse??????

      • “Progressives do not believe in god”????????????????
        WHERE did you dig up THAT “factoid”
        Thats about the stupidest thing I have read all day. Your IQ must be about 50! Dumbass!!!

  12. At last! He will get the same care he gives us. Can we get a BIG AMEN!!!

  13. Phyllis Hunter | February 20, 2018 at 6:46 pm | Reply

    No, Brian, they are saying that asking thoughts and prayers to accomplish anything where gun violence is concerned is ludicrous. Duh!

  14. Thank goodness. Thoughts and prayers have been protecting our children and neighbors for years from our own home-grown, heavily-armed terrorists and mass murderers. Finally, that same quality of care and attention to detail will protect our President. It’s about time.

  15. Sooo, you’re saying it would be ridiculous to give up guns in favor of thoughts and prayers …

    • What he’s saying is getting rid of guns would actually do something about this problem. Fuck you and your murderous right wing.

    • What he’s saying is getting rid of guns would actually do something about this problem. Fuck you and your murderous right wing.

  16. Protecting three baby momma, five kids, 20 grandkids, working 9_5 golfing the rest of the week. Just waiting to learn Russian when Putin takes over, or the first missile to kill everyone.

  17. Recognize the Russian bots?

  18. I hope they elect him again it will take at least 2 terms to fix what Obummer did.

  19. And God forbid, they’ll probably re-elect the idiot for a second term!

    • I hope they do. We put up with your America -destroying President for 8 years…the same courtesy should be extended to an American-loving President. Trump supporters and Republicans were not crying everywhere all the time while OBama was dismantling America one piece at a time, so why can the Left give our President the same opportunity to try to make a change??

  20. My prayer every night is God plz deal with this evil man! Plz give Robert Mueller the power to get him out of office! Bring back love ,respect, to this office!

    • Won’t be any love or respect with dominionist Pence on deck.

    • Love and respect left the country when obummer went into the office. Worst thing that ever happened to this country. I did not won’t Trump in the White House but it was a lot better than having socialist murdering crook in there.

      • President Obama will go down in history as one of greatest Presidents the USA has ever had, that is recognized throughout the world, but in America there are still a number of people (who are obviously a few cents short of a dollar or racist) who refuse to accept what is staring them in the face.
        Meanwhile, the current incumbent is regarded throughout the world as the biggest buffoon to ever hold that great office. He isn’t fit for the job and is amking America a laughing stock.

      • ya…you definitely have a winner there with Trump…

  21. Great idea!!! And I’m sure that this is something that the Mexicans will gladly pray for! (And possibly much of the rest of humanity.)

  22. richard eggleston | February 19, 2018 at 9:53 pm | Reply

    prayers will bring shit hole through through an attack. it helps those school kids

  23. Nancy b from pa | February 19, 2018 at 9:21 pm | Reply

    Stupid gets stupidly let him have it all. No PRESIDENT of me. I have diapointed that Americans are that stupid to have voted him in with the help of russia im sure.

  24. Gods I love it, best laugh in a month lol

  25. Get the idiot out of our country send bhim to his country of origin. He is a racist and an idiot. He is mentally ill. Don’t have no respect towards good people or women. He should be in prison not in the white house. He is a criminal. Has no education . He has no sensitivity towards people in our country who are good tru the lost of their children. He is just an idiot. Love to see him deported or in prison. The world. is laughing at the idiot. He dont deserve any prayers or protection from us. He needs to be dragged out of the white house and kick on his balls. Only a stupid and idiot like him will stay with him or has his stupid kid. Impeach the idiot.

    • He has no education???? Read your post and tell me how much education you have. Or else you were sleeping through grammar, spelling, and sentence structure

      • She is not the president dah! She can make some mistakes in grammar or whatever she wants. 😱

      • Unnecessary question marks, unnecessary commas and sentence fragments are also examples of incorrect grammar and sentence structure.

      • I have a distinct feeling that English is not Maria’s first language. I wonder how your grammar and punctuation would be if you had to write your posts in Spanish.

        • Good thing we only have to write our posts in our NATIVE tongue…English…why should we even have to contemplate writing our posts in Spanish??? This is AMERICA…we speak, read and write ENGLISH.

          • Umm, Anna. I suspect that you are not aware that the Spanish settled in Florida and in the American Southwest about a century before the English landed in Jamestown. (Most Trumpanzees seem to be even more ignorant about American history and American government than they are even of Jesus’s teachings — and insist on proving it.)

      • AMEN! people in here are seriously vile! And talking about his kid? This person needs some therapist STAT! This is the exact problem with our society today…no respect for the laws nor the process of government. May God protect our leader from scary fanatical people!

  26. Who wants to pray or protect such a racist and idiot. He is no good for our country. He insensitive to victims and family of the students shot. He dont have no compassion or education. The man is an ass and looks like one. He dont care about America or its people. Impeach the idiot before he kills us. He is not my president. He has destroy everything good that Obama did for the people. He envy. Obama. Please lets get the man out before He do more harm. People all over the world are laughing at us because of the jerk. He is not my president not even for a moment. Hope he dessapear from our planet.

    • I like America and ive always found Anericans i meet really freindly so i have no ill will towards America. But your right, we’re all laughing at him and by implication Americans who voted him in. But i think he scares us more than amuses us. America is the UKs closest ally and it helps no one to have this idiot as presedent. Hes souring relations across Europe including the UK. Hes the diplomatic equivalent of a fox in a hens coop. Someone really needs to make him stop using twitter.

    • This is America and this is our PRESIDENT. ever heard the phrase “love it or leave it”??? Maybe it’s time to pack your bags. The people, the majority, voted him in because we needed to fix the vile and unamerican things that the former President did to our beautiful country. Sounds Like You SHOULD Pack Your Bags And Move Back To Wherever It Is You come from!

  27. Are you a Russian bot?

  28. Keep the bad guys away from the president with thoughts and prayers

  29. Is secret service accepting prayers from Jews, Muslims and others?

  30. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🙈😂😂😂🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 lmao

  31. Victoria McSwain | February 19, 2018 at 4:10 pm | Reply

    Love it! Put it into action!

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