Sergeant At Arms Warns Congress Of Giant Turd Trying To Squeeze Itself Through Letterboxes

The Sergeant at Arms for the US Capitol has issued a warning to members of Congress and their staff about a big turd that may try to force itself through their letterboxes.

The advisory came following the appearance disturbing footage of the turd attempting to pass itself through the letterbox of Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Since then there have been frequent sightings of the turd attempting to ruin people’s day by affixing itself to their shoes or menacingly informing them that it’s packing heat.

Though turds being found in politician’s letterboxes is not unheard of, the incident in front of Ocasio-Cortez’s office was the first involving a turd of this size. The Sergeant at Arms said that as long as people keep their doors locked, they should be safe from the turd getting inside should they find themselves in a similar situation.

“It was a big turd – there was no way it was getting through that opening.”

Members of Congress were also warned to watch out for turd hazards on the streets surrounding the US Capitol.

“If you see an irresponsible owner walking their dog or hear someone ranting about the Jihad Squad, there’s probably a turd nearby that you want to avoid.”

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