An mysterious unknown species of sea creature has washed up on a State-owned New Jersey beach over the weekend, causing great excitement amongst ocean biologists.
The unidentified life-form was not discovered straight away, as the beach had been ordered closed by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie due to a government shutdown.
Officials denied its existence at first, fearing panic, but quickly confirmed its presence on the sandy beach when confronted with independent evidence.
Marine scientists say it is of unknown etiology, suggesting that it ordinarily resides in the ocean where it is most comfortable in the murky depths hidden away from prying eyes.
Those who have studied the creature up close are not hopeful for its future.
“Whatever this thing is, it is clearly very ill as is displays troubling symptoms such as an aversion to sunlight, undue bellicosity, and behavior that suggests the total destruction of the cerebral region that governs shame.”