An insider at the Jeb Bush Campaign has admitted that they have altered their strategy recently, which now consists of nothing but clickbait articles and other disreputable internet tactics. After trying every other approach they could think of to promote their candidate without success, they consider this their only salvation.
“The internet has refined the art of pushing a product on someone who already knows they don’t want it, which is exactly the approach we need to take.”
That’s why the campaign has started pushing out ads and articles with no mention of Bush, but with titles that contain teasing phrases like “…And You Won’t Believe What Happened Next!” as well as amateurish pictures of scantily clad young women that bear no relation to the content.
“If you open the spam folder in your email client and click on the links promising to enlarge your penis or help you lose weight without dieting or exercise, don’t be surprised when you’re redirected to www.Jeb2016.com.”
Buoyed by an immediate boost in responses, they have starting using other nefarious schemes that are in widespread use online, including:
Nigerian Bank Transfer Fraud (to make up for lost donors)
XXX Webcam Subscriptions (screams ‘Vote for Jeb!’ at climax)
General Phishing Scams (to grabs emails)
By removing Jeb Bush from the campaign as much as possible, and engaging voters using cheap tactics that play on their innermost fears and desires, staffers are confident they can turn his pitiful candidacy around.
“Just as most American households are full of useless crap you don’t want or need but bought anyway due to hard-sell tactics, we’re hoping to deliver you the GOP nominee and eventual President you don’t want either.”
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