Starbucks Successfully Ends Racism By Closing For Three-Hour Training Session

In a move being hailed as historic by Civil Rights leaders, Starbucks has shown how easy it is to end racism though the holding of three-hour anti-bias training sessions. Sixties icon John Lewis didn’t hold back with his praise for the coffee giant.

“If only Starbucks were around in the 1960s to show us how much more effective an afternoon’s corporate training is than years of protest and struggle!”

Historians postulated that, if only the Seattle-based company had been founded prior to 1861, Abraham Lincoln would have known he could explain to Confederate leaders how they possessed an unconscious bias against African Americans which they could then work through over a cup of joe.

“Instead we had the national tragedy of the Civil War, which we now know was so unnecessary.”

After it has eradicated all traces of racism from its quarter of a million employees by the end of the afternoon, Starbucks says it plans to offer complimentary ten-minute anti-bias training with every grande espresso beverage to its customers.

“Since ending centuries of ingrained racial hatred is so simple, the least we can do is extend our this wonderful magic bullet to the public.”




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