Popular coffee purveyor Starbucks has announced new measures to halt the spread of the coronavirus, including direct delivery of coffee without using disposable cups.
“Though we previously merely banned personal cups, we now recognize that even disposal cups can be a vector for viral transmission.”
As a solution, coffee will now be poured by Starbucks staff directly into customers’ mouths.
“Remember to let your barista know if you want sugar or creamer in advance and they will add them to your mouth beforehand.”
The benefits of the new policy are multiple, according to Starbucks HQ.
“In addition to preventing the spread of disease, it’s great for the environment!”
Help a hardworking satire site out!
If the Barista cannot successfuly hit your mouth I will be happy to start an IV line. Laundered Cash only! Must bring own supplies.