(The White House) Stephanie Grisham, currently Press Secretary to the First Lady, will take over the role being vacated by Sarah Sanders as White House Press Secretary, it has been announced.

There were other strong candidates under consideration, however Grisham clinched the job on the basis of a failed polygraph test given as part of the interview process.

“It’s the worst score I’ve ever seen – she’s perfect.”

Describing the needles as ‘almost going off the paper’, the technician administering the test said she even lied about her name.

“Clearly she wanted this promotion badly.”