White House Advisor Stephen Miller was in some distress today after he had what he described as a physically painful nightmare which caused him to wake up screaming.

In the dream Miller says he broke into a border detention facility and released some frightened children from a cage. He then fed them, took them to a medical facility to make sure they were in good health, and reunited them with their parents.

“They were so overjoyed to be a whole family again – it was horrible!”

He says he woke up in a sweat with clammy hands, which is an indication of just how disturbing he found his imaginary actions. Colleagues tried their best to console Miller, saying it wasn’t like it really happened.

“It was just a bad dream, Stephen – nobody actually got any help.”

But Miller is still said to be struggling to put the experience behind him.

“I can’t believe I would do something so repellent to me, even if it was just in my head.”

He says he’s going to try and use his discomfort to remind him never to help anyone in need in real life no matter how much they are suffering.

“At least that way something good can come of this.”

HELP KEEP THE SATIRE COMING!