Adult actress Stormy Daniels is now to be officially known as First Pornstar, after a pro forma procedural vote was taken in both Houses of Congress today.
The title is a result of the invocation of the little-known 28th Amendment of the United States Constitution, which states:
“A consort of the President who is a sex worker and not otherwise bound to him shall be known as First Concubine, or by whatever is the most appropriate parlance of the day.”
Though the role comes without a federal salary, Daniels can use the title when on tour, receive Secret Service protection, and, per local protocol, enjoy full diplomatic status anytime she visits France.
French President Emmanuel Macron was the first international leader to convey his nation’s congratulations:
“We French have always had a relaxed attitude towards the infidelities of our leaders and mocked you Americans for being so uptight about it. But clearly you have relaxed. Boy how you have relaxed.”
Vladimir Putin also sent his best wishes directly to the First Pornstar:
“I have enjoyed the tapes I have of you so much, just as I enjoy all my tapes featuring the current President of the United States.”