Supermarkets To Introduce Dedicated Checkout Lanes For Customers On Racist Rants

Saying it is imperative to keep up with customers’ evolving preferences, the nation’s leading grocery store chains have announced the introduction of dedicated checkouts for customers engaged in racist tirades.

“You ranted. We listened.”

All shoppers planning on spewing hate-filled rhetoric while competing their purchase will now be able to use a dedicated lane, allowing customers who just came to buy stuff to be on their way faster.

“Racist tirades tend to be time consuming, so you don’t want to be stuck behind one if you’re in a hurry.”

Stores will even provide a dedicated person of color to be the object of the tirade, to ensure real shoppers of color are not delayed due to filing police reports.

“Our trained professionals will look just like what you think an Obama-supporting user of food stamps should look like.”

In the end, say executives, running a grocery store properly is all about paying attention to what the public wants.

“Avocados are out, and bigotry is in.”

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