Surgeon General Recommends Americans Inhale Oxygen Pretty Much Always

(Rockville, MD) Recognizing that the Public Health Service may have been putting the cart before the horse by focusing on nutrition, hydration, and exercise, US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy is launching a major campaign to highlight the importance of breathing in oxygen to maintain good health.

“Failure to secure a steady supply of oxygen can result in brain death within minutes and is therefore strongly recommended against.”

Medical professionals say a gaseous mix containing roughly 20% oxygen is best, with the rest made up mostly of inert gases like nitrogen.

“Get it anyway you can because it’s important.”

They wish to emphasize that if you plan to go into an environment where oxygen is not readily available, like the ocean floor, you should bring along a tank of the stuff.

“Otherwise the deep-sea diving experience you’ve been looking forward to will only last for a brief moment. You will then lose consciousness and die, which does not make for a good vacation.”

Vivek also stressed it’s important to sleep in addition to inhaling oxygen, as without sleep toxins build up in the brain causing you to go mad and die if the situation continues.

“Don’t listen to these people who boast that they get by on no sleep – they are almost certainly grabbing some on the sly or else they would be hallucinating and well on the way to their demise.”

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