SO SWEET! Roy Moore Tells Girlfriend She’ll Still Look Great Even When She’s 16

Proving that the charms of true Southern Gentlemen have not completely died out, Alabamans intending to vote for Senate candidate Roy Moore reminisced today about some of his finest qualities from his younger days.

In addition to laying down his coat to cover a puddle of a spilled 20oz soda in front of the Forever 21 store, this fine example of thirty-something manhood was said to like to flatter his belles by telling them they’ll still look great even at the ripe old age of 16.

“Of course he knows it’s not true, but they still like to hear him say it.”

Local pastors could not say enough about how this fine Christian always stood up for what is right.

“He won’t let anything get in the way of spreading the word of the Ten Commandments – not even the Ten Commandments.”

They only wish the America of today could do justice to its finest son.

“He really belongs to the time when America was truly great and would properly appreciate him, like before 1865.”

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