Ted Cruz Boldly Endorses Lateral Frontal Pole During Convention Speech

Ted Cruz did not shy away from making a firm endorsement during his convention appearance, coming out strongly in favor of using your lateral frontal pole this November.

Not one to engage in doubletalk, Cruz was highly specific about the part of human anatomy he was endorsing, leaving the heart, liver, and amygdala deeply disappointed.

“Sorry spinal column but you’re not up to the task either.”

Politicians of all stripes praised Cruz for his courage.

“Here’s a man who didn’t simply chicken out of taking a strong stance. But instead of explicitly endorsing or denouncing Trump, he made the even braver choice of endorsing something else entirely – the lateral frontal pole, otherwise known as the seat of decision making and conscientiousness in the human brain.”

It’s being hailed as a game-changer in this noble endeavor we call democracy.

“Ted Cruz has gone out on a limb with the bold statement that we should use our brains when selecting our President, and not just any part of our brains, but the specific parts used in decision making.”

When asked what he thought of Cruz’s surprise endorsement, Trump said he wasn’t in the least concerned, as his supporters are totally opposed to granting the lateral frontal pole or any other part of the prefrontal cortex any influence in deciding who should lead them.

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