Tributes are being paid to Governor of Texas Greg Abbott today after he was burned alive last night inside a giant wooden structure in an act of pagan sacrifice.
“It’s what he would have wanted.”
The fatal ritual occurred after a large crowd of seniors appeared at Abbott’s residence following his decision to no longer require masks. Despite reports he resisted, the seniors responsible insist he was in favor of it.
“He’s always been happy to sacrifice vulnerable individuals so that others can benefit.”
Asked whether they really believed human sacrifice could avert major disasters by appealing to some higher pagan power, the elderly Texans involved were skeptical.
“Not sure really, but it feels right.”
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