Three Rivers Regatta Canceled Due To Heightened Alligator Threat

(Pittsburgh, PA) Sadly the annual Three Rivers Regatta has been canceled this year, much to Pittsburgh’s disappointment. Though initial reports claimed it was due to proper permits not being obtained and a failure to meet new security requirements, an inside source says that wasn’t the issue.

“It’s the alligators.”

Organizers found it was proving impossible to get insurance coverage given the widespread reports of alligators in the area.

“Pittsburgh is like Mecca for gators right now. And they don’t mix well with
Formula One Powerboat racing.”

All might not be lost, however, as the growing local alligator population hopes to put on their own version of the Regatta – called the Three Rivera Reggator – in hopes of winning Pittsburghers over.

“Yinz think watching boats race is fun – wait until you see us!”

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5 Comments on "Three Rivers Regatta Canceled Due To Heightened Alligator Threat"

  1. ernie jordan | August 1, 2019 at 9:45 pm | Reply

    call troy landry from swamp people!

  2. Jeff Schalles | August 1, 2019 at 1:11 pm | Reply

    I remember a song on Rege Cordic’s KDKA show in the 1950’s about alligators in the Allegheny River!

  3. Is this satire? This Florida Man says gators wouldn’t be caught dead near this Steeler crowd.

  4. Not true

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