So you’ve left Pittsburgh but still consider yourself black and gold to the core.
But do you really know what’s going on in the Burgh – or are you just a Yinzer in name only these days?
Here are ten ways to tell if you really are up-to-date on what’s happening in Pittsburgh:
10. When you see a headline that refers to ‘Kenny Chesney’ and ‘Trash’ you know it refers to actual trash, not white trash (though the article itself will almost certainly refer to that copiously as well).
9. You know who Wendy Bell is and have a very strong opinion about her dismissal from WTAE – one way or the other.
8. You know there’s a lot more to Pittsburgh than fries in sandwiches and Pierogies – even if you struggle to articulate what that is.
7. When you hear the words ‘Pirates’ and ‘Playoffs’ in the same sentence you don’t burst out laughing – though you used to for about two decades.
6. If someone raves about the fun they had with an enormous inflatable pickle you don’t immediately flag them as a pervert – though they still could be of course.
5. You don’t automatically assume the phrase ‘Pittsburgh’s restaurant scene’ is the setup for a joke.
4. You don’t look forward to Christmas shopping at the Downtown Macy’s because you know it’s gone. (Handy tip: you can easily date how out of touch someone is depending on whether they look forward to shopping downtown at Macy’s, Kaufmann’s, Lazarus, Saks Fifth Ave, Lord&Taylor, or Horne’s.)
3. You’ve stopped going on about the gentrification of East Liberty because that’s old news – Lawrenceville and Garfield have happened since then. (But if you’re raving about the hip new Hazelwood scene then you are obviously a time traveller from the future. The distant future.)
2. Bike lanes are not something you claim only those ‘crazy hippy cities’ have.
1. You know what BREAKING BURGH is. CONGRATULATIONS! This alone means you are totally up to date!!!
Have a better way of picking out the dedicated Yinzers from the imposters? Well that’s what comment fields where invented for…