Tormented Preschooler Not Sure How Parent’s Epic Facebook Response Helps Him

[Mt. Lebanon, PA] On hearing that her precious five-year-old son, Landon, was being teased at preschool about his expressive attire, his mother wasted no time detailed her outrage on a popular local website. The post quickly went viral and was soon picked up by mommy blogs all over the internet, which praised her for refusing to let others dictate what conformist clothing her child must wear just because they fell uncomfortable seeing anything different. But lost amidst all the encouragement and talk of her ‘Epic Response’ was one dissenting voice.

“What about the guy who has to wear them? Does he get a vote? Because – NEWSFLASH – I don’t like them either.”

Though effectively disenfranchised because he is not old enough to have his own Instagram account yet, Landon has some strong opinions for those willing to take the time to listen to this unusually erudite five year old.

“Somehow I feel like I’m no longer the true focus of this narrative anymore, which is strange considering I’m the one who is being ridiculed for my unorthodox appearance on a daily basis.”

Not only are things failing to get better for Landon despite the internet fame he has generated for others, but he has a sneaking suspicion he’s now being dressed even more outrageously just to prove a point.

“Though I would defend anyone else’s right to be true to themselves to the end, I believe in my case it’s less a matter of self-expression and more just sheer bad taste. I also have this unsettling feeling that I have been co-opted as a vehicle for someone else’s blogging ambitions and determination not to be cowed by traditional social mores just for the sake of it.”

He has noticed a slight improvement in the sense that no kids taunt him when he’s being dropped off, which he suspects is due to other parents fearing being called out online if his mother sees it happening.

“She does realize I’m out there on my lonesome in the Darwinian jungle that is preschool for six hours after she leaves to run her online empire, right?”

Now that his internet-savvy mother has monetized her increasingly popular blog defending her son’s right to wear the frilly cuffed outfits she insists he likes, Landon admits he is benefiting from the arrangement as the quality of the food and toys he receives has risen. But he has an alternative suggestion for this new revenue stream.

“Here’s a wild thought – how about buying me some less stupid looking clothes?”

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