Tourist Running From Armed Mugger Wins 400m Gold Medal In Rio Olympics

[Rio de Janeiro, Brazil] A Western Pennsylvania man is causing some much needed levity at the 2016 Olympics which has been dogged by budget cuts and high crime rates.

Artie Dallaglio of Swisshelm Park was in Rio for the wedding of a childhood friend when he was the victim of an attempted mugging. He knew if he lost his cash the trip would be ruined, so he broke free of his attacker and made a run for it.

“I was worried about being shot so I just kept going – all the way into the Olympic stadium!”

Once inside he spotted a group of people running together and joined them.

“I figured safety in numbers, but after a while I decided I’d better get back to my hotel so I upped my pace. Before I knew what was happening I was on a podium with a gold medal around my neck listening to the Star-Spangled Banner!”

He says the last thing he ever thought he’d be coming home with was a medal.

“I didn’t even realize the Olympics was going on, but it’s great to be a part of it as the Men’s 400m World Champion.”

Despite his unexpected success, Artie has no plans to embark on a professional sporting career back in Pittsburgh.

“Quit while you’re ahead has always been my motto.”

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