A Twin Peaks viewing party is still in critical condition a week after the fateful airing of the 2-hour episode “The Return”. The party began innocently enough with fresh-brewed coffee and cherry pie on hand, and none of the fans of the original TV series from the 1990s aware of the horror that was about to befall them.

They were eventually found by a neighbor unable to speak except for one individual who kept muttering “Where was Mark Frost?” over and over.

Staff at a local hospital diagnosed them with severe trauma after determining that none of them were true David Lynch fans, and that, though they were all fans of the ABC series, they much preferred the latter half of the second season and never cared for the Bob character or the Red Room scenes.

“Some of them can’t stop crying, but mostly they seem to be trapped in a catatonic state of utter shock.”

Medical professionals say this is new territory, even for specialists experienced in dealing with victims of Lynchian trauma. There are currently debating whether to expose the victims to the remaining 16 hours of the season in the hope that it will provide an ultimate therapeutic benefit, or to keep them isolated from anything to do with David Lynch for the remainder of their shattered lives.

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