(The White House) President Trump has reportedly been spending a lot more time in the men’s locker room these days, though not to exercise, but to brag to male staffers about his CPAC exploits out of earshot of Melania.

“I saw this pretty young flag standing there and I had to have it.”

Trump told the shocked young aides how when you’re President you can grab any flag you want, and there are always plenty just waiting around.

“I moved heavily. I moved on that flag like a bitch.”

He was said not concerned about where the flag came from or the details of its personal life.

“It could have been involved with a Veterans’ parade hours beforehand for all I know. I could care less. I’m automatically attracted to our flag.”

YOUR SUPPORT HELPS US MOCK TRUMP -> www.paypal.me/breakingburgh